Pro-active Parenting in a Reactive World
What we love is forming us far more than what we fear is controlling us.
Most parents have a built-in instinct to protect their kids. This is God-given and important. But like all good things, it can be taken too far, and I believe this is true in modern American life. There are more products than ever to protect kids from putting things in electric sockets, from bumping their heads on coffee tables, and to lock cabinet doors that contain unsafe items. In our right desire for protection, we have become obsessed with physical well-being to the neglect of our children's inward life. The reality is that the most formative thing that affects our kids is not the physical dangers from without but the formation within them of the things they love most.
Recently, I read Neil Postman’s prophetic work, "Amusing Ourselves to Death." The whole book was worth your time and is a must-read for every parent. I, however, found the forward to be the most impactful portion of the whole book. In the forward, Postman contrasts two dystopian views of the world. The first was Orwell’s 1984, in which Big Brother would control us through an external force aided by technology. The second was Huxley’s Brave New World, which painted a much different view of the world to come. Huxley didn’t believe an external force would control us; rather, we would become slaves to our own desires and use pleasure and technology to place ourselves in a state of self-imposed exile. Post argues that Orwell was wrong and Huxley was right. I agree with Postman. Huxley looked 80 years into the future and foresaw the Brave New World we presently live in. Postman said this about the difference between Orwell and Huxley
“In 1984, people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us.”
Neil Postman
Many of us tend to believe that what we fear will control us, without considering the things we love that are forming us. The central idea of Dante’s Commedia was that we fall short of who God created us to be, not because of a lack of love but because of misdirected love and excessive love. If we are not proactively helping to form our kids loves their loves will be misdirected from God toward self or excessively invested in things that are not ultimate. The Bible over and over explains that our hearts are wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) and prone to wander. Our actions are an outworking of our thoughts and desires. That we are to protect our hearts above all else, for out of our heart flow the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23). The most important work you do as a parent is heart work. What your kids love will determine who they become and who they will serve.
How do you help form your child’s loves?
Family Worship – Worship is how we calibrate our hearts, preach the gospel to ourselves, and focus on the eternal.
Church Worship – It is so important to teach our kids that our faith is not individual but communal.
Scripture – The greatest heart transformation tool available to us is the words of God spoken to the hearts of men.
Catechism – Kids need a systematic foundation for retaining and building truth into their lives. Protestant Catechisms do just that.
Rites of passage – Events that highlight a value are indispensable in reinforcing truths you are building into your kids daily.
Music – Music is more than entertainment; it is formative. The longer you listen to something, the more you will start to believe what you begin to believe is who you become. This is why, for me, lyrics are so crucial in worship music.
Poetry – Read poetry to your kids. A few things bypass your head and go right to your heart like poetry. Kids don’t read poetry in school like we used to. Read your children poems.
Excellent read. Not just for parents but all of us as we are sucked down the social media wormhole 😉