Reconciliation of Broken Relationships
How God in His Providence Restrains the Rash, Punishes the Foolish, and Exults the Humble
Our age is one of self-sufficiency and self-reliance, which is not a new human problem, as we will see today. We tend to react to injustice, injury, or insult by defending ourselves and protecting ourselves at all costs. We live in a country where might is right. Where we get punched, we punch back harder. Many times, we have good reason to do so.
When Nelson Mandela was released from prison on February 11, 1990, he delivered a speech from the Cape Town City Hall balcony. In this speech, Mandela expressed his commitment to peace and reconciliation.
I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I, therefore, place the remaining years of my life in your hands.
The above statement can only be made by a gospel-humble person. His faith restrained him from being rash in light of his years of mistreatment. He was not a fool. But like we will see in Abigail in our text today, he was a humble person who could have sought vengeance but instead sought reconciliation for himself and an entire country.
This passage starts with a short account of Samuel's death—no details, but a momentous death. In the chapters, we will see the lack of wisdom in Saul and David’s accounts. They needed direction and guidance. Yet the most important thing we are learning through our reading and reflecting on the story told in 1 Samuel is the kind of leadership God provides for his people—the type of leadership he has now provided for us in Jesus.
In 1 Samuel 25, we see God's providence restraining the rash, punishing the foolish, and exulting the humble.
1. Restraining the Rash
David was on the run from Saul, fresh off a chance to change his condition by his own hand. He recognized by grace that his desire to take the throne rather than receive it was sinful. Yet, in the next chapter, we see David nearly going out with his 600 men to wipe out an entire family, not because he was being hunted but because he was insulted.
He protected the flock of a local tribal leader named Nabal. He sent a few of his men to ask if they could be repaid with a feast as a reasonable, humble request. His messengers were insulted and shamed. When they reported back to David, he was furious.
Nabal had an opportunity to be generous and added insult to injury. And David was not impressed.
1 Samuel 25:13 (ESV)
13 And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword. And about four hundred men went up after David, while two hundred remained with the baggage.
What we see is God's providence restraining David's rashness. Samuel is not around to give him wisdom and speak truth to him, but God, unlimited in his ways, uses the most unexpected means to restrain David.
We are never in more danger of sinful rashness than when God intervenes on our behalf like the cave of Adullum, and we go on about our day attributing outcomes to our wisdom rather than God’s providential grace.
A. W. Pink comments:
No man stands a moment longer than divine grace upholds him. The strongest are weak as water immediately the power of the Spirit is withdrawn; the most mature and experienced Christian acts foolishly the moment he be left to himself; none of us has any reserve strength or wisdom in himself to draw from: our source of sufficiency is all treasured up for us in Christ, as soon as communion with Him be broken, as soon as we cease looking alone to Him, we are helpless.
We tend to overreact to others who have sinned against us. We are not just. God is, and we are not. We see how we have been treated unjustly and maybe sometimes how others are, but what we lack is the wisdom that justice requires. When we have been insulted, our instinct is to fight. When we have been harmed, our instinct is to make people pay.
Our hope as Christians is not just that God will make people pay but that he will make them pay perfectly because of his perfect love, perfect wisdom, and perfect justice.
David’s reaction makes it clear that he had grown to expect a certain amount of respect to be paid to his person and name. It is especially easy for God’s choice servants to develop a prideful concern for their reputation so that they are easily vexed by the kind of insult that Nabal cast against David. How different was the attitude of Jesus, having humbled himself to the obedience of the cross, when he was mocked by the Jewish leaders and Roman soldiers? Peter writes to believers: “Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.… When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:21–23). With this in mind, a good test of our Christlikeness is our response to those who speak ill of us or misrepresent our actions
Richard D. Phillips
2. Punishing the Foolish
Nabal, in this story, is the fool. His name literally means fool.
1 Samuel 25:2–3 (ESV)
2 And there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel. The man was very rich; he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. He was shearing his sheep in Carmel. 3 Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved; he was a Calebite.
1 Samuel 25:25 (ESV)
25 Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him. But I your servant did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent.
He was from a good family. Caleb trusted God more than what his eyes could see. But his distant relative Nabal was a self-reliant fool. He could not see what he had as a gift, so he could not give it away to others. He was filled with a foolish heart and loved his things even to the contempt of God and those around him.
When David’s men came to him, his response was telling.
1 Samuel 25:11 (ESV)
11 Shall I take my bread and my water and my meat that I have killed for my shearers and give it to men who come from I do not know where?”
My bread, my water, my meat, my shearers. - My, me, mine. He could not meet the needs of others because he thought all his wealth was because of him and for him. He thought he was a self-made man. He loved his things, but it cost him his life. This is not an Old Testament struggle. Jesus himself addressed this very issue in Luke 12.
Luke 12:13–21 (ESV)
The Parable of the Rich Fool
13 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” 14 But he said to him, “Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?” 15 And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” 16 And he told them a parable, saying, “The land of a rich man produced plentifully, 17 and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ 18 And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.” ’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ 21 So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”
A fool believes that your life consists of what you have acquired in this life. And you treat those who helped you with disdain.
How does God deal with fools who live their lives without regard to others or Him? The best answer to this question is answered in the New City Catechism.
Q: Will God Allow Our Disobedience and Idolatry To Go Unpunished?
A: No, every sin is against the sovereignty, holiness, and goodness of God, and against his righteous law, and God is righteously angry with our sins and will punish them in his just judgment both in this life and in the life to come.
So, how do we know we are forgiven and belong to God? Paul answers that question perfectly in Romans 12. It’s amazing because the first part of this passage warns us against Nabal's foolishness, and the second part warns us against David's rashness.
Romans 12:9-19
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal; be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
God is saying humble yourself when you are slighted and slandered—and you will be, by the way. God is saying the mark of a Christian life is how they handle the difficulties and the deserts. Don’t seek vengeance. God will perfectly repay you. Give them over to God’s justice.
3. Exulting the Humble
Abigail was what her husband was not, and she was what David needed most. She spoke God back in the situation, and David, in his Rash anger and hurt, did what Nabel the fool did not: He listened to Abigail and relented.
1 Samuel 25:26–31 (ESV)
26 Now then, my lord, as the Lord lives, and as your soul lives, because the Lord has restrained you from bloodguilt and from saving with your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my lord be as Nabal. 27 And now let this present that your servant has brought to my lord be given to the young men who follow my lord. 28 Please forgive the trespass of your servant. For the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting the battles of the Lord, and evil shall not be found in you so long as you live.
29 If men rise up to pursue you and to seek your life, the life of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of the living in the care of the Lord your God. And the lives of your enemies he shall sling out as from the hollow of a sling. 30 And when the Lord has done to my lord according to all the good that he has spoken concerning you and has appointed you prince over Israel, 31 my lord shall have no cause of grief or pangs of conscience for having shed blood without cause or for my lord working salvation himself. And when the Lord has dealt well with my lord, then remember your servant.”
Eugene Peterson does an excellent job of summarizing what Samuel is saying here.
Abigail witnesses God’s work on behalf of David: protecting, guiding, ruling, and intervening. She knows that the phrase “sling out as from the hollow of a sling” will be sure to touch David’s memory and make present that long-ago day when immersed in prayer in the Valley of Elah, he brought Goliath down with a single stone from his sling.
Abigail says, in effect, “Your task, David, is not to exact vengeance; vengeance is God’s business, and you aren’t God. You’re out here in the wilderness to find out what God is doing and who you are before God . The wilderness isn’t an experiment station in which you test yourself and find out how strong and resilient you are. It’s where you discover the strength of God and God’s faithful ways of working in and through your life.”
How do we bring reconciliation to broken relationships?
Come in humility. She came looking for David. When she found him, she did not hesitate but fell on her face, seeking forgiveness. Her attitude and posture were clothed in humility.
Confessed without hesitation - modern apologies are always fraught with deflections and avoiding responsibility. “If I offended you or you were hurt by anything I may have done, forgive me.” Abigail modeled for David the kind of repentance we would see from him after his affair with Bathsheba. Abigail says:
1 Samuel 25:24–25 (ESV)
24 She fell at his feet and said, “On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant. 25 Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him. But I your servant did not see the young men of my lord, whom you sent.
Abigail confessed on behalf of her house. She didn’t sit back and hoped for things to work out. She actively sought reconciliation in a situation she did not cause but had the power to change. Reconciliation requires us to be active in doing as much as it depends on us to be givers of grace and makers of peace.
Corrected what was wrong—She didn't use words; actions followed. She couldn't afford to take them to a feast, so she brought them a feast. She sought forgiveness and reconciliation by restoring what was wronged.
Seek the others’ forgiveness - Finally, she asked David for his forgiveness.
Mandela ended that speech by quoting himself from his trial 26 years earlier.
"I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”
Where did Mandela get this idea of laying down his life to restore his country and his people? From the cross of Christ.
Miroslav Volf concurs: “The cross is not forgiveness pure and simple, but God’s setting aright the world of injustice and deception.”
The cross of Christ perfectly accomplished what Mandela hoped to accomplish and did to a small degree. The cross made right what sin destroyed. As Volf says, Jesus came to forgive our sins, but it is more than that. He came to make to restore and is coming back to make all things new, to restore and bring justice to our broken world.
If our blood does not boil at injustice, how can we be serving the God who said the following through his prophet Isaiah?
Woe to those who make unjust laws,
to those who issue oppressive decrees,
to deprive the poor of their rights
and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people.
(Isa. 10:1–2 NIV)
Where is the outrage? It is God’s own; it is the wrath of God against all that stands against his redemptive purpose. It is not an emotion; it is God’s righteous activity in setting right what is wrong. It is God’s intervention on behalf of those who cannot help themselves.
No one could have imagined, however, that he would ultimately intervene by interposing himself. By becoming one of the poor who was deprived of his rights, by dying as one of those robbed of justice, God’s Son submitted to the utmost extremity of humiliation, entering into total solidarity with those who are without help. He, the King of kings and Lord of lords, voluntarily underwent the mockery of the multitudes, and, in the time of greatest extremity, he could do nothing to help himself (Mark 15:31).56
Even more astonishingly, however, he underwent helplessness and humiliation not only for the victimized but also for the perpetrators.
Fleming Rutledge
What we see in this passage is a roadmap for us to avoid the foolish and rash desires of our sinful hearts and how to train our hearts to trust in God’s justice with relationships that have been broken by the foolish, rash people in our lives, and how to repair and rebuild as much as it depends on us.
Your task is not to exact vengeance; vengeance is God’s business, and you aren't God. You're here in the wilderness to find out what God is doing and who you are before God. The wilderness isn’t an experiment station in which you test yourself and find out how strong and resilient you are. It’s where you discover God’s strength and faithful ways of working in and through your life.”